Ripped From the Headlines Column May 31
Posted: Tuesday, June 02, 2009
by J. Kitchell
screamingyellownews
ABC featured a segment on a cat named Lucky who fell 26 stories and lived. It wasn't an accident, though. Lucky had just looked at his retirement portfolio.
Window washers in an adjacent building captured the whole incident on a cell phone camera. Nothing, no matter how trivial, can escape the eye of the camera these days. Except Bigfoot...Yeti...the Loch Ness monster...Joe Biden...
Some Americans bemoan the end of quick and easy jaunts across the borders. Do you know how hard it will be to get a fake I.D. to hit the bars on Spring Break?
Internet sensation Susan Boyle ended up in second place in Britain's You've Got Talent competition. Her loss may have been due to her expletive-laced meltdown in front of paparazzi days before the final competition. But she's handling it well, thanks to the support and advice of industry professionals Liza Minelli, Sinead O'Connor, Brittany Spears and Lindsey Lohan.
Boyle can now return to her quiet life. No more hounding by the paparazzi, no more mobs of adoring fans, no more internet buzz. She's even started working on that unibrow again.
Republican Senator Kay Baily Hutchinson is calling on her GOP colleagues to move away from racial undertones in their examination of the Supreme Court Justice nominee. She says that Sonia Sotomayor should be judged on her court records rather than her racist and sexist comments.
President Obama defended his nominee, suggesting that had she had the chance, she would go back and change her comment that she could make decisions better than old, white men. Sotomayor seconded the idea. She said she would have said she could make better decisions better than old, white Republican men.
Cuban-American relations are thawing a bit. The Obama Administration is conducting talks with Cuban officials about normalizing trade and travel between the two countries. It's about time. People in the United States have forgotten how to make a really good Cuba Libre.
Americans from all walks of life are anxious to open trade with Cuba. There are several Italian-American businessmen who lost business properties when Castro took over. They want the clubs back in operation, now that Las Vegas is turning into Disneyland.
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geither is working hard to convince the Chinese that we really do want closer economic ties with their country. He is trying to convince them that Capitalism and Communism can co-exist to benefit both countries. The Chinese are open to hearing his spiel. The may still see the U. S. as Capitalist Running Dogs, but at least we are their Capitalist Running Dogs.
Geither might have to ladle on the schmooz to get the Chinese to widen the trade door. His strategy is to be Eddie Haskell to China's Mrs. Cleaver.
It might work. Leave It To Beaver was never broadcast in China during the Cultural Revolution so they won't have a clue they're being played.
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